Last December, we met up in San Francisco for my 40th birthday. As soon as I saw you at the airport I knew that you were tired and not feeling your best but you put on a big smile just the same. There was a crispy chill in the air as we took the bart into Union Square. Union Square was decked out in holiday lights and decor and we giggled in our winter wonderland. We spent the entire weekend walking, shopping, eating, laughing, and talking. Just like always.

Each morning, I would walk across the street to Starbucks and bring you back a latte and a pastry. We would lounge around before going to Chinatown for some dim sum. We would shop in all the little novelty shops with the fragrant smells of incense and spices. There was a really old church (in Chinatown) where we stopped inside and prayed. At the end of each day, we would walk to the chocolatier and buy a truffle before going back to our room. Then we would chat in bed and take a "disco" nap before bundling up and walking a few blocks to dinner. I still dream about that Vietnamese restaurant. But more importantly, I dream about our special time together. I tried not to notice when you would take your pain meds even though you would swear that you were feeling "pretty good". I know how hard it must have been for you to make that weekend happen so thank you for loving me so much to make the trip anyways. I think you knew then that it would be our last and that those memories would be a comfort to me later; and they certainly have.

For my birthday, you gave me a Tiffany bracelet with what I thought were little pears on it. You corrected me and said they were "teardrops" explaining "because life is bittersweet, Muffler". I cherish that time we had in San Francisco because it incorporated all the many gifts you have given me throughout the years: Love, friendship, wisdom, and lots and lots of laughter.

Thank you for giving me the best birthday present ever. I love and miss you so very, very much.

Muffler

I went to Rosarito with Arturo & Mirian this past weekend. It had been a while since I’ve been down to Mexico and the first time without you. We had spent so many great times there both with each other and with good friends.

I remember when we went to Calafia in 1997 for dinner and being nervous because I was going to propose to you. We walked outside after dinner and I was trying to be all romantic and serious. I finally found a secluded area, but you were your usual upbeat self doing the crazy 80s dance because we could hear the Go-Go’s playing from the hotel. I couldn’t get you to be serious, so I finally had to just do it and I got down on one knee and asked you to marry me. I remember how surprised and happy you were when I asked you.

I took some of your ashes with me this weekend. I was able to walk down to the beach in Calafia and let them go in the ocean. It was really beautiful because it was just about dusk. I’m happy both Mirian and Arturo were there with me. I’m glad your ashes are there because it’s where I asked you to be my wife. When I go back down to Calafia and Rosarito, I know you’ll always be there with me.

I love you always...

Really missing you today...

They booked my trip yesterday for the San Antonio BC Conference. I will bring your picture and thoughts of you with me, as I do to all of my events. You are why I do what I do.

Love you, sister.